slomotion
Friday, April 29, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
The Secret News
from george carlin's When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?
Here is the Secret News:
All people are afraid.
No one knows what they are doing.
Everything is getting worse.
Some people deserve to die.
Your money is worthless.
No one is properly dressed.
At least one of your children will disappoint you.
The system is rigged.
Your house will never be completely clean.
All teachers are incompetent.
There are people who really dislike you.
Nothing is as good as it seems.
Things don't last.
No one is paying attention.
The country is dying.
God doesn't care.
Shhhhh.
Here is the Secret News:
All people are afraid.
No one knows what they are doing.
Everything is getting worse.
Some people deserve to die.
Your money is worthless.
No one is properly dressed.
At least one of your children will disappoint you.
The system is rigged.
Your house will never be completely clean.
All teachers are incompetent.
There are people who really dislike you.
Nothing is as good as it seems.
Things don't last.
No one is paying attention.
The country is dying.
God doesn't care.
Shhhhh.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
file this story under 'no shit, sherlock'.
CIA’s final report: No WMD found in Iraq
Recommends freeing detainees held for weapons knowledge
The Associated Press
Updated: 9:24 p.m. ET April 25, 2005
In his final report, the CIA's top weapons inspector in Iraq said Monday that the hunt for weapons of mass destruction has gone "as far as feasible" and has found nothing.
in lighter news, i am listening to beck's sea changes and filling the cracks in my living room walls so that i can paint it almond blossom. and the window are wide open. and i saw a beee-yooo-tiful blooming magnolia tree today! i love spring.
Recommends freeing detainees held for weapons knowledge
The Associated Press
Updated: 9:24 p.m. ET April 25, 2005
In his final report, the CIA's top weapons inspector in Iraq said Monday that the hunt for weapons of mass destruction has gone "as far as feasible" and has found nothing.
in lighter news, i am listening to beck's sea changes and filling the cracks in my living room walls so that i can paint it almond blossom. and the window are wide open. and i saw a beee-yooo-tiful blooming magnolia tree today! i love spring.
hunting is stoopid and dum
it would maybe be impressive to kill a wolf with your bare hands, or even a spear or a knife, but what kind of 'sport' is there in killing an animal with one of those highpowered rifles or a crossbow with laser sighting that releases an arrow at 285 feet per second? at that point, it doesn't matter whether you are shooting at a rabbit or an elephant - it's probably gonna die. actually, there is probably more skill in killing a rabbit.
hunting is some kind of pathetic bullshit, making the world a deader place. and yes, i am a vegetarian tree hugger. you should be too.
people are such assholes.
Hunter Kills Well-Known Alaska Alpha Wolf
Reuters
Friday 22 April 2005
Anchorage, Alaska - The alpha wolf that led a famous Denali National Park pack in Alaska was shot and killed by a hunter last weekend, causing dismay among activists who say wolf hunting should be made illegal in the state.
The dead wolf was the alpha male of Denali's Toklat family, a group of wolves that has been studied for more than six decades and often seen by visitors to the national park. The wolf was shot legally by a guided hunter after it ventured out of the park boundary, officials said.
"I don't think that there's any doubt that there'll be fewer Toklat wolf sightings," said John Toppenberg, executive director of the Alaska Wildlife Alliance.
The 7-year-old wolf, which was identified by a radio collar that had been attached by researchers, was only one of several recent losses for the much-studied and frequently photographed Toklat group.
The alpha wolf had been behaving erratically and wandering near an area outside the park where two females, including the alpha's mate, were killed in traps over the past two months after they left the park in search of food.
A 55-square-mile buffer outside of the park protects wolves from hunters and trappers, but conservation groups and animal welfare activists argue that it is too small.
Cathie Harms, a spokeswoman for the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, said the alpha's death would not affect Alaska's wolf population.
"One wolf out of a statewide population of 7,000 to 11,000 has no biological impact," Harms said, "It is significant to people who have developed an attachment for a particular pack of wolves or an individual wolf."
But Gordon Haber, an independent biologist who has long studied the Denali wolves, said the "decades-old Toklat lineage has suffered a virtually complete social breakdown" as a result of the deaths.
Alaskans have long conducted an emotional debate over wolf management, one that pits sportsmen who hunt moose and other game against advocates of wildlife watching.
Reuters
Friday 22 April 2005
Anchorage, Alaska - The alpha wolf that led a famous Denali National Park pack in Alaska was shot and killed by a hunter last weekend, causing dismay among activists who say wolf hunting should be made illegal in the state.
The dead wolf was the alpha male of Denali's Toklat family, a group of wolves that has been studied for more than six decades and often seen by visitors to the national park. The wolf was shot legally by a guided hunter after it ventured out of the park boundary, officials said.
"I don't think that there's any doubt that there'll be fewer Toklat wolf sightings," said John Toppenberg, executive director of the Alaska Wildlife Alliance.
The 7-year-old wolf, which was identified by a radio collar that had been attached by researchers, was only one of several recent losses for the much-studied and frequently photographed Toklat group.
The alpha wolf had been behaving erratically and wandering near an area outside the park where two females, including the alpha's mate, were killed in traps over the past two months after they left the park in search of food.
A 55-square-mile buffer outside of the park protects wolves from hunters and trappers, but conservation groups and animal welfare activists argue that it is too small.
Cathie Harms, a spokeswoman for the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, said the alpha's death would not affect Alaska's wolf population.
"One wolf out of a statewide population of 7,000 to 11,000 has no biological impact," Harms said, "It is significant to people who have developed an attachment for a particular pack of wolves or an individual wolf."
But Gordon Haber, an independent biologist who has long studied the Denali wolves, said the "decades-old Toklat lineage has suffered a virtually complete social breakdown" as a result of the deaths.
Alaskans have long conducted an emotional debate over wolf management, one that pits sportsmen who hunt moose and other game against advocates of wildlife watching.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Fans live in line a month ahead of 'Episode III' premiere
i love dill. i love to hate george lucas et al.
Top Ten Star Wars Fan Euphemisms For Not Having A Girlfriend
10. Camping alone outside the theater.
9. My force is no longer with me.
8. The Death Star is not yet operational.
7. The Empire's striking out.
6. Shaking hands with the wookie.
5. Darth Vader has no place to put his helmet.
4. Oiling the droid.
3. Unable to set coordinates for the planet Babe.
2. Spending the night with Han Solo.
1. Tractor beam not powerful enough.
Top Ten Star Wars Fan Euphemisms For Not Having A Girlfriend
10. Camping alone outside the theater.
9. My force is no longer with me.
8. The Death Star is not yet operational.
7. The Empire's striking out.
6. Shaking hands with the wookie.
5. Darth Vader has no place to put his helmet.
4. Oiling the droid.
3. Unable to set coordinates for the planet Babe.
2. Spending the night with Han Solo.
1. Tractor beam not powerful enough.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
i think i smell a rat.
so there's a new pope. according to the cbc, the bad news is that he is even more of a scumbag that the old pope. the good news is that he is old and probably won't live too long. his name is gonna be benedict, named after a very busy guy who is the patron saint:
-against nettle rash
-against poison
-against witchcraft
-of coppersmiths
-of dying people (all of 'em)
-of erysipelas (An acute disease of the skin and subcutaneous tissue caused by a species of hemolytic streptococcus and marked by localized inflammation and fever. Also called Saint Anthony's fire. saint anthony causes it, saint benedict cures it. i sense a rivalry.)
-of Europe
-of farm workers
-of farmers
-against fever
-against gall stones
-against inflammatory diseases
-of Italian architects (just the italian ones.)
-against kidney disease
-of monks
-of people in religious orders
-of schoolchildren
-of servants who have broken their master's belongings
-of speleologists (someone's gotta look out for the spelunkers)
-against temptations (all of 'em)
now can we all just agree to shut up about all the catholic bullshit? i like all of the magical mystical stuff and wish that i had a patron saint of my very own, but all the machismo tinged politics are making me ill.
-against nettle rash
-against poison
-against witchcraft
-of coppersmiths
-of dying people (all of 'em)
-of erysipelas (An acute disease of the skin and subcutaneous tissue caused by a species of hemolytic streptococcus and marked by localized inflammation and fever. Also called Saint Anthony's fire. saint anthony causes it, saint benedict cures it. i sense a rivalry.)
-of Europe
-of farm workers
-of farmers
-against fever
-against gall stones
-against inflammatory diseases
-of Italian architects (just the italian ones.)
-against kidney disease
-of monks
-of people in religious orders
-of schoolchildren
-of servants who have broken their master's belongings
-of speleologists (someone's gotta look out for the spelunkers)
-against temptations (all of 'em)
now can we all just agree to shut up about all the catholic bullshit? i like all of the magical mystical stuff and wish that i had a patron saint of my very own, but all the machismo tinged politics are making me ill.
how to fake it
heather mallick makes me laugh especially when she takes such a rambling yet manic path - it's a meandering stream of consciouness!
"Only very dim people, who have clearly failed to grasp the situation we're in, aren't depressed. So good for you. Intellectually, you're in good nick.
Here's a list of reasons to be cheerful; no, scratch that, ways to trick yourself into laughing. Other generations have managed it. The Lost Generation barnstormed through the 1920s to slam, full speed, into the Great Depression. But some had the wit to move to Paris to write novels, sleep around and, okay, drink themselves to death. It may not sound uplifting, but it's better than doing what we're doing, moaning that the polar bears will be extinct by the time we get off the couch in 2008, by which time the rising waters of global warming will already be lapping at the porch door.
You had four years to make sandbags. Hessian was cheap. Sand was free. Your job had been outsourced by globalization; you had nothing better to do with your hands.
But no, you were numbing your mind with the worst Idol This, Idol That television ever made while the years leaked away. Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, Andrea Dworkin and Susan Sontag died and Abu Ghraib wasn't levelled. All plastics were revealed as poison. One of my favourite websites, the witty, fearless and lefty rabble.ca, explained to me that my moisturizers are killing me. Yes, phthalates are leaching into my brain. That explains a lot.
Here's what helped: books, music, friends, friends' children, food, laughter."
oh, and i bought a very pretty dress that makes me want to learn how to dance the oldie- timey dances. do you think i can convince dillie to come out and swing me around the floor? or maybe move to europe with me while i drink myself to death? i can trick myself into laughing along with the best of them.
"Only very dim people, who have clearly failed to grasp the situation we're in, aren't depressed. So good for you. Intellectually, you're in good nick.
Here's a list of reasons to be cheerful; no, scratch that, ways to trick yourself into laughing. Other generations have managed it. The Lost Generation barnstormed through the 1920s to slam, full speed, into the Great Depression. But some had the wit to move to Paris to write novels, sleep around and, okay, drink themselves to death. It may not sound uplifting, but it's better than doing what we're doing, moaning that the polar bears will be extinct by the time we get off the couch in 2008, by which time the rising waters of global warming will already be lapping at the porch door.
You had four years to make sandbags. Hessian was cheap. Sand was free. Your job had been outsourced by globalization; you had nothing better to do with your hands.
But no, you were numbing your mind with the worst Idol This, Idol That television ever made while the years leaked away. Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, Andrea Dworkin and Susan Sontag died and Abu Ghraib wasn't levelled. All plastics were revealed as poison. One of my favourite websites, the witty, fearless and lefty rabble.ca, explained to me that my moisturizers are killing me. Yes, phthalates are leaching into my brain. That explains a lot.
Here's what helped: books, music, friends, friends' children, food, laughter."
oh, and i bought a very pretty dress that makes me want to learn how to dance the oldie- timey dances. do you think i can convince dillie to come out and swing me around the floor? or maybe move to europe with me while i drink myself to death? i can trick myself into laughing along with the best of them.
Monday, April 18, 2005
highrise
i bought a set of prints at a weird little impromptu auction at a north end honky party on saturday. i gave the other one to my friend. she's going away this week, and we won't see her again for a long time... anyways, here's my half of the spoils. it cost me a dollar. whaddya think?
Thursday, April 14, 2005
this one's going out to my old friend d.
... not that she's old or anything. she's young and vivacious, just like me!
so i was reading this article about child rearing, and these child psychologists were talking about teaching your child to use positive affirmation. you're supposed to say things like this:
• It's not a problem, it's an adventure.
• I'm not frustrated; I'm fascinated.
• I'm not tired; I'm in great demand.
• You never lose when you try. Life is full of "Wins and Learns."
i think that it is idiotic to tell my children to never be disappointed. does this make me a cynical, bitter woman who is unworthy of breeding? sorry kiddos, frustration and loss are going to be part of your vocabulary because i don't think i can say shit like "Life is full of "Wins and Learns"" with a straight face.
so i was reading this article about child rearing, and these child psychologists were talking about teaching your child to use positive affirmation. you're supposed to say things like this:
• It's not a problem, it's an adventure.
• I'm not frustrated; I'm fascinated.
• I'm not tired; I'm in great demand.
• You never lose when you try. Life is full of "Wins and Learns."
i think that it is idiotic to tell my children to never be disappointed. does this make me a cynical, bitter woman who is unworthy of breeding? sorry kiddos, frustration and loss are going to be part of your vocabulary because i don't think i can say shit like "Life is full of "Wins and Learns"" with a straight face.
Friday, April 01, 2005
art of the mix
this is (combined with limewire) is my new favorite way to spend a day.
happy friday everyone!
happy friday everyone!