he's just not that into you

i read this book last night.
Q.
is it a cheesy self-help book written by comedy writers looking to cash in on their sex in the city connections?
A.
Oh Yeah.
Q.
is it an honest look at women from by a sharp observant guy who likes women?
A.
yes, it is this too.

the main thrust of the book is that women should not lower their standards in order to be with a guy who does not show her that he loves her. the authors cover many of the excuses that women use to explain rudeness, indifference, destructiveness, and/or selfishness. they offer pretty much a blanket explanation for all of the crappy treatment (yes, you guessed it, 'he's just not that into you'), but more than that, they call women on why they make these excuses. they talk about how loneliness and uncertainty and horniness and hope make women waste time caring about people who don't care about them and they insist that their readers should like themselves more than this.

random 'rules' from various chapters:
- If he's not calling you it's because you are not on his mind.
- If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.
- An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."
- The only thing he's scared of - and I say this with a lot of love - is how not attracted to you he is.
- If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
- You already have one asshole. You don't need another.
- Men are never too busy to get what they want.
- You deserve a fucking phone call.
- He can take care of his cat.
- Always be classy. Never be crazy.
- Bad boys are bad because they're troubled, as in having little self-respect, lots of pent-up anger, loads of self-loathing, complete lack of faith in any kind of loving relationship, but yes, really cool clothes and often a great car.
- Breakup sex still means that you're broken up.
- Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

it took me three or four hours to read this book, and that includes the time i spent reading aloud to dil. not exactly proust, but then again, i don't like proust. it is a pretty good book that made me laugh and also made me think a bit about the sexyrevolution and the loneliness that makes it so hard for my girls to stick to the standards that they have set for themselves...
it made me feel sad/lucky. sad because my single family and friends are so hopeful and get so hurt. lucky- well, because i sort of feel like i got away with something. i made a lot of bad choices and broke all the rules (well, most of them) and it still worked out for me, even though it shouldn't have worked at all. according to all logic and experience, i should be miserable. but i'm not. i am pretty happy and in a pretty happy relationship. maybe i should write a self-help book.