i love being married. it is great having someone to rely on when i falter, someone who has committed to living with me despite my faults and looking out for me when i can't do it myself. and i like being able to return the favour when i can. i also love walking, sleeping, playing, cooking, eating, laughing, talking with the best man i know. i love being married.
i guess what i was trying to say is that i have found it/still find it tough to be a wife and mother without losing independence, freedom, choice and willpower. i like to believe that i'm a pretty strong woman, but i have not found it easy or comfortable walking the line between *me* and *us*.
i have been in conflict with societal values and public opinion on almost a daily basis for the past eleven years for acting in a way that friends and/or family have considered outside the boundaries of proper wifely/motherly behaviour. i hate the idea of giving up on me, losing to often overwhelming push toward the stepford.
DISCLAIMER #1: i know that i am coming at it from a different perspective than a single thirtysomething woman might do, but it's the only perspective i have.
DISCLAIMER #2: even though i feel this way, sometimes i give in and do something that feels weird and awkward and 100% 'not me' in order to make one of the boys more comfortable.
besides the personal, i guess that i'm also ideologically opposed to the self-infantilization of capable women. to me, it's not theory. i know and talk to a mixed bag of women every day. some are mothers on prozac because their lives feel empty and all they can talk about is what they used to be. others are law students who are desperate to let go of their lives and let someone else (big sugar daddy) take over. it makes me sad (and frustrated, i admit) to think that something as important as who *you* are can be lost so easily and so willingly.
with so much opportunity, with the world at our feet, why are we willing to give it up?
