dynamite

i'm reading a book by douglas copeland (not the terry fox one). it's called eleanor rigby and it is fucking great so far, but you know, 'all the lonely people' and all... it is like spying on a life i will never understand. i have never been solitary. i am always surrounded by other people, and mostly i am glad. solitude freaks me out. it makes me antsy. of course, i'd like to have the opportunity to explore it - it's like a foreign country to me, a place to be explored.

i won't confuse solitude with loneliness. if solitude is a foreign country, then loneliness is a debilitating illness. i have been lonely and it was... well, i thought it would kill me. there are few things i fear more than loneliness, and i hope to escape it for a good long time.

speaking of lonely, dil and i watched napoleon dynamite last night. what can i say about it? it was very good. like on a report card, i'd give it an A-. we laughed a lot, but in a lot of ways it was actually a pretty sad movie. it is fairly accurate picture of life in high school and this can be heartbreaking to witness. it's the 'wonder years', or more accurately, the 'wonder how anyone survives it' years. god.

my books and movies seem to have a running theme of loneliness and quiet desperation lately. what does that mean?